31 December 2009 @ 11:28 am
Last Day of 2009  
Okay, I know it's not really a big deal but I think most people enjoy the opportunity to reflect that the New Year provides. The transition into 2010 seems different from last year, when I was signing up for challenges, making resolutions left and right, setting tons of goals to get my life in order. A year later I'm happy with my life. There are a couple of things I want to work on next year but in general, the things in my life that had me so depressed last year are gone.

On December 31, 2008:
- I was in a bad relationship. No way around it now. You all told me it was bad, I didn't listen and I kept in it until he ended it (as soon as it was convenient for him). While it wasn't physically or verbally abusive, it definitely wasn't what I needed at that point in my life. I spent the first quarter of 2009 convincing myself that I was even worth loving and that the bad faults I exhibited (neediness, paranoia, jealousy) during that time weren't my true self and weren't completely my fault.

- I was really lonely. Coming up to the end of my first year out of college, I missed everyone at Knox. I hadn't made any good friends, I worked all the time, my own boyfriend didn't seem to want to be around me, and my only company was my cousin and her husband (who I worried about seeming like a nuisance). It took going out and making an actual effort to be social throughout 2009 to stop feeling so worthless. I spent a lot of time learning what I really liked and figuring out who I wanted to be. Nowadays, I still have batches of lonliness - I miss having friends close by to call up and hang out with. I spend a lot of time with Matt, of course, and his friends and in some ways I feel like a hanger-on in the group. But I've a lot made friends in my improv troup, the play I'm in, and I talk to my college friends online more. It's a lot better now.

- I quite liked my job, even if it wasn't the work I wanted to do, and it sent my on a lot of business trips. Unfortunately, this is one of the few things that got worse in 09. My job now is tedious, far away, and even further from my career goals than my 08 job was. But this dissatisfaction has led me to a lot of realizations about my future career goals and pin pointing what I really want to be doing. I've made some decisions about whether or now I see myself staying at IBM, and the kind of work I want to do instead. I'm hoping 2010 will see me putting these plans into action and growing more happy with my job.

- Fitness wise, I think I was about the same. I think I even weighed the same. It's a little sad to know that I was doing really well in the first half of 2009 about losing weight, eating right, and exercising, and now I've sunk back into the same patterns. But it's an ongoing fight, and at least it hasn't gotten any worse. Meanwhile, I did accomplish a few things, like finding an exercise class I enjoy (yay pole dance!), learning new recipes, running my furthest distance (5 mi) and incorporating exercise as a fun activity through biking, ice skating, and hiking. It's a gradual process, but I'm hopeful that by this time next year my jeans will be a little looser.

So all in all, I think 2009 was productive, and, while not the most impacting year of my life, I feel like I made forward progress. I'm not really making resolutions this year, I'm pretty happy with my lot in life. And while there's nothing wrong with always wanting to improve, I don't want to get in a rut of "this year I will lose weight, find a better job, and make more friends". Frankly, whatever happens, happens. I have an odd premonition that a lot of stuff is going to shake up in 2010, and I'm excited to see what that will bring.

Happy New Year Everyone!
 
 
¿Cómo Estoy?: grateful
 
 
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Chrisriding_wildfire on January 1st, 2010 04:28 am (UTC)
:) Yaay! for you! I's glad to hear you've attained some level of satisfaction with your life. I'm personally feeling a renewed sense of determination lately, although it must constantly struggle against the self-doubt that is always trying to thwart it. But it's as strong now as it's been in awhile; I've been feeling just kinda spent or burnt out for what seems like a few years now. I'm kinda coming to a revelation that my potential is still all that it ever was, and my frustration with things like my ankle and other setbacks actually seems to be fueling the fire right now instead of discouraging me.

And I copycatted you with the 101 in 1001 list. :) Stellar idea.
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